3 Types of Friendship According to Aristotle

Hey, so let's talk about Aristotle and friendship—straight from his Nicomachean Ethics, books eight and nine. He basically says true friendship isn't just one thing; there are three main kinds, or models, and most of what we call "friends" fall into the first two, but only the third one is the real deal, the kind worth building your life around.

First up: friendship of utility. This is the practical, what-can-you-do-for-me kind. You hang out with someone because they benefit you somehow—maybe they hook you up with a job connection, help you move, or you're business partners who make each other money. It's mutual goodwill, sure, but it's based on usefulness. The second you stop getting that benefit, or they stop needing you, the friendship fades fast. Think of a coworker you grab lunch with only because they cover shifts for you, or that friend who's great at fixing your car. It's not fake—Aristotle says it's a legitimate form—but it's shallow and changeable, like how needs change over time.

Second: friendship of pleasure. This one's about enjoyment and good vibes. You like hanging out because the person is fun, funny, attractive, shares your hobbies, or just makes you laugh and feel good. It's common with younger people, Aristotle points out—they chase pleasure and emotions a lot. Maybe it's the buddy you party with, binge shows together, or flirt back and forth. Again, mutual goodwill, but tied to the pleasant stuff. Problem is, pleasures shift—what's exciting today might bore you tomorrow. Tastes change, looks fade, moods swing, so these friendships often don't last long once the spark dims.

Then there's the third, the perfect or complete friendship—what he calls friendship of virtue, or character. This is rare, he says, because it only happens between good people who are alike in virtue. Here, you love the other person for who they are—their goodness, their character—not for what they give you or how they make you feel. You wish good for them for their own sake, and they do the same for you. These friends push each other to be better, help each other grow in virtue, and stick around through thick and thin because the foundation is stable character, not fleeting needs or feelings. It's like two solid, self-sufficient people mirroring the best in each other. Aristotle thinks this is the highest form—it lasts longest, feels deepest, and actually helps you live a truly good life.

He notes the first two can look a bit like the perfect one—useful friends are helpful, pleasurable ones are enjoyable—but only virtue-based friendship has that lasting depth because good people stay good and stay pleasant and useful to each other naturally.

So yeah, Aristotle's take is pretty eye-opening: look around your circle. How many are utility? How many pleasure? And how many are the real, virtue-level ones? Those rare ones are gold—worth investing in.